


all according to keikaku* (keikaku means plan)

by dirtmemer



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M, Making out on a couch, sorry ranmaru is an idiot and thems the facts, this is named ranmaru is fucking stupid.doc, tokimasa is also an honorable mention, tokiya is an honorable mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 08:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15577746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtmemer/pseuds/dirtmemer
Summary: Sometimes Ranmaru needs a little push. Other times Ranmaru needs a huge fucking shove, because he's stupid.





	all according to keikaku* (keikaku means plan)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KiriKay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiriKay/gifts).



> haha i cant believe kiri inspired me to write ranai hahahahahahahahahahaha

Ranmaru's bad day begins with Ren witnessing his incredibly humiliating collision with a door frame in front of not only Ai, but also Syo and Natsuki. 

"Ran-chan," Ren says, when they get back to their room. The grin on his face is particularly smug. Ranmaru does not like that smug grin. "Do you _like_ Aimi?" 

Ranmaru's nose is throbbing. He buries his head in his arms and groans. 

"Shut up," he says. "And don't fucking call me that." 

Ren, predictably, does not shut up. 

"That's cute," Ren coos annoyingly. Masato walks in through the door. Ren's grin folds in on itself in increments. Then it widens again, which is bad. 

Masato is logic-driven. He's rational. Ranmaru is just having some stirrings of hope that Masato will squash this nonsensical topic into dust when Ren says: "Ran-chan walked into a door just now because Aimi smiled at him," and Masato betrays Ranmaru by saying: "Yes, I saw that." 

Ren's smile is almost too wide for his face. 

"Shut up!" Ranmaru howls. "Don't start with this shit!" 

"There's no need for such embarrassment," says Masato. He sounds very calm and composed, but Ranmaru knows what went down between him and Tokiya. 

"I don't wanna hear it from you, Tokiya fucker," Ranmaru sneers. There's at least some vindictive triumph in seeing Masato's face go up in flames when Ren howls with laughter. 

"At least I have someone to fuck," Masato says primly, and then everyone is stunned into silence. 

"I didn't know you knew the word fuck," Ren says, after a long pause.

"Me neither," is what Ranmaru says, before his brain catches up with him. Then he feels offended, because he has plenty of people to fuck, and also because Ai is so much prettier than Tokiya, no comparison, hands down. "Wait, hold up. Are you seriously comparing Ai with Tokiya?" 

"Oh my god," Ren wheezes. 

Too late. Masato bristles. Ranmaru also bristles. Ren is laughing so hard he can't breathe. 

"Let's not argue about this, okay?" Ren manages to say. "Look, Ran-chan, Aimi's probably interested if he's taking the time to make expressions at you instead of staring through you blankly like he's trying to drill a hole in your brain. You could just ask him, you know?" 

" _No_ ," Ranmaru says. 

"Okay, I expected that," Ren says, spreading his hands out and shrugging his shoulders in a too obvious play of nonchalance. "I'll ask for you then. Aimi's gonna log in tonight for the raid, anyways." 

"Jinguji," Ranmaru growls, "Don't you fucking dare–" 

"Ohhhh Aimi," Ren swoons dramatically to himself, stupidly, what an idiot. "You've finally captured Ran-chan's heart–" 

Ranmaru screeches and lunges for Ren's throat. Masato gets knocked to the ground in the process and starts up a lecture. In the chaos, someone lands a punch on someone and there's strangling involved. Ren limps out of the scuffle with more than a few wounds, and retreats to his and Masato's side of the room to nurse them. Ranmaru thinks he deserves it. 

 

*

 

Ranmaru can't ever catch a fucking break. It's like whatever's up there in the sky decreed: Let Us Never Give Ranmaru A Fucking Break. He thought he'd been given a break, really, when Saotome unleashed his demonic tendencies on Starish by making them do a week long promotion somewhere across the country. Ranmaru was fucking ecstatic about not seeing either Ren or Masato's dumb faces for an entire week. And he was also hoping that when Ren came back he'd have forgotten about everything. But Ranmaru should've fucking known better. Ren is a relentless and chaotic and unpredictable force of nature. Ranmaru really should've fucking seen this coming. 

As of right now, Ren's on his laptop with his headphones and mic plugged in and Ranmaru is _not spying_.

"So," Ren is saying. "I think we should focus on our–" 

Ranmaru is trying not to tune him out. Ai is on the other end, and Ranmaru fears for his own sanity. 

"–buuut the stat bonus for the new armor _clearly_ benefits my character more than yours, Aimi don't argue with me on this– no no no no no that's wrong and you know it–" 

Ranmaru flips the page of his magazine. Fuck, he doesn't even _like_ these stupid magazines. It's all false fucking advertisements. 

"Aimi!" Ren screeches. This is the most agitated Ranmaru's ever seen him. "That's completely goddamned stupid– don't _laugh_ at me– stop killing me I'm on your team!" 

Ranmaru tosses his magazine to the ground. Ren's keyboard is clacking obnoxiously, Masato is typing on his phone with both forefingers and his phone flat on the table, Ranmaru's got half a headache. Just the usual routine of things. 

"Aimi!" Ren wails. "That was _my kill_ why did you do that–" 

Masato stands up. 

"I'm leaving," he announces. He stares at Ranmaru expectantly. 

"Bye," Ranmaru says. Masato frowns. 

"Kurosaki-senpai," Masato says. "Please come with me." 

"Why," Ranmaru says. 

If Masato was a lesser person, he would've rolled his eyes. But Masato has saintlike patience, so he only says: "I have something to say to you," politely. 

Ren screams in the background. 

"Alright, fine," Ranmaru says. He's gonna go deaf at this rate. 

They leave Ren to his game. It's kinda funny to see him lose his shit like that, and it's funnier to think that Ai's the one behind it. Then again, Ai's always been a little shit. Ranmaru thinks that and immediately feels nauseous with emotions. 

"Urgh," Ranmaru says. Masato pretends not to hear him and very kindly doesn't say anything. 

They walk around. It's quiet. Ranmaru is busy thinking about Ai being a little shit, so he doesn't notice that Masato's just leading him in circles around the dorms. Actually, he _does_ notice, but when the revelation hits him its too fucking late. 

"Hijirikawa tell me you didn't do this on purpose," Ranmaru says. He's almost begging at this point. Pleading with Masato about the fallacy that he could ever side with Ren on _anything_. 

Masato looks him in the eye. His expression is grave and utterly serious. He shrugs. Ranmaru is fucking dead. Ai is going to find him and decimate him completely. 

"Why," is the only word Ranmaru is able to choke out. 

"In my defense," Masato says, crossing his arms coolly, "Ren can be very persuasive. And by persuasive I mean, of course, incredibly annoying. For the past week he's followed me around, begging and whining and pleading for me to distract you. It was extremely off-putting and I did not like it." 

"...god," Ranmaru says. It seems like the appropriate response, so he says it again, but in italics. " _God_." 

Masato nods gravely. "I am sorry. I know his meddling is, more often than not, completely awful. But he cares about you, Kurosaki-senpai. And that's more than I can say." 

"I'm fucking dead," Ranmaru says. "Hijirikawa. You've given Ren the chance to completely destroy me. I hope you know this. This is your doing. I'll be dead within a week." 

Ranmaru was wrong about Masato all along. He thought Masato was the reasonable one, but he was fucking wrong. This is what he gets for being so trusting. 

Masato huffs out a quiet laugh. Ranmaru cannot _believe_ he's laughing at him in this particular circumstance. 

"You are being overdramatic," Masato says. "And you are overreacting. If you did not want Ren to meddle, you should have talked to Mikaze-senpai." 

He's right. 

"You're right," Ranmaru says. That's because Masato is right, even though Ranmaru will never forget this moment of betrayal. "You know? You're completely right." 

Masato looks confused and a little scared. "Kurosaki-senpai, please don't–" 

"I'm going to talk to him. Right now. Thanks for the advice. And tell Ren he's fucking dead the next time I see him." 

"–do anything stupid." 

If Ranmaru was paying attention, he'd have noticed Masato start after him, before giving up and slumping against the wall. But Ranmaru doesn't pay attention to a lot of things, so he doesn't notice. 

Masato watches Ranmaru sprint off in the direction of Ai's room and sighs a very long and very loud sigh. 

"Ah, well," Masato says. "I tried." 

 

*

14:05  
Hijirikawa: Jinguji, Kurosaki-senpai has a message for you  
Hijirikawa: "Tell Ren that he's fucking dead the next time I see him" was what he said

14:06  
Jingucci: lol  
Jingucci: he ran off to aimi's place didnt he  
Jingucci: all according to plan

14:10  
Hijirikawa: Please do not involve me in any of your plans next time

14:10  
Jingucci: no ones as dumb as ran-chan so u dont have 2 worry  
Jingucci: thanks for ur help hijirin

14:15  
Hijirikawa: I feel like my general peace and quiet will be greatly disturbed in the coming days

14:16  
Jingucci: lmao paranoid much ran-chan is a softie he wont actually kill anyone  
Jingucci: also i can take ran-chan in a fight

14:25  
Hijirikawa: That was not what I meant  
Hijirikawa: And I distinctly remember having to patch you up after your scuffle with Kurosaki-senpai  
Hijirikawa: Which you lost  
Hijirikawa: Terribly, might I add 

14:25  
Jingucci: ok hijirin  
Jingucci: nice talking to u bye

14:30  
Hijirikawa: Jinguji you are insufferable

14:31  
Jingucci: ;) 

 

*

 

Ranmaru slams his fist against Ai's door until Syo flings it open, looking like a particularly incensed squirrel. 

"What the fuck!" Syo announces, loudly. Then he says, "Oh. Sorry, Ranmaru-senpai," after he tilts his head back to look at Ranmaru. 

"Ran-chan-senpai!" Natsuki squeals, appearing behind Syo like a menacing shadow. Sometimes Ranmaru really fucking hates Ren and even Masato, but god he's so fucking glad Saotome didn't put him in with this lot. "Ai-chan _just_ logged off his game, if that's who you're looking for!" 

"Great," Ranmaru says, nicely. As nice as he can get, which is not very nice at all. "Thanks. Now get out." 

" _What_?" Syo yells. "This is _our_ room, you can't kick us out!" 

Ranmaru has no patience for bargaining. That's just how he is, as a person. He's come to terms with his shit personality. It's part of his charm, probably. 

"Yeah?" Ranmaru grins. It must be a terrible expression, because Syo shrinks away with a mildly traumatised look on his face. "Watch me." 

Before he can grab Syo's shirt collar and physically remove him from the room, Ai says: "Syo, Natsuki. Could you give us a moment alone?" 

"But–!" Syo protests. Natsuki is looking at Ranmaru thoughtfully, which is a surprise, because Ranmaru's assumed Natsuki doesn't use his brain. 

Natsuki says, "Syo-chan, maybe we should go. Maybe this is _that_ thing, you know?" 

Syo frowns at him. Ranmaru understands Syo's apprehension, because he has no fucking idea what Natsuki is talking about. But then Syo says: "Ohhhh, you mean. _That_." 

"Yeah! That!" That's Natsuki, clapping his hands together. Ai is watching all of them, his mouth quirked up slightly in a tiny smile. 

"What," Ranmaru says. This situation is kinda suspicious. He doesn't like it. "What are you two talking about." 

Natsuki laughs. Ranmaru feels like he is in danger, somehow. "Ran-chan-senpai, you can do it!" 

Ranmaru has a bad feeling about all of this. Natsuki and Syo scuttle away, whispering to each other. Ai leans against the doorframe, looking devastatingly pretty without even trying. 

"You wanted to talk to me?" Ai says. He's still smiling his tiny smile. 

"Uh," Ranmaru says, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. "Yeah. Yeah. I did. I mean. I do wanna talk to you. About something." 

"Come in," Ai beckons, moving into his room. Ranmaru's never actually been here. It's about the same as his, Ai's bed on one side and Syo and Natsuki's bunk bed on the other. Except Ai's side is kinda empty, draped in lighter shades of color. There's a fancy looking computer sitting on his desk. His synth is there too. It's all so very... Ai. 

Ai takes a seat on the couch. He tilts his head at Ranmaru. The movement reminds Ranmaru of a bird. "Well?" 

"I, uh," Ranmaru starts. He sits down next to Ai. Ai knocks his knee against Ranmaru's, almost playful. It's shit like this that makes Ai so difficult to talk to. "Ren said something weird, didn't he." 

Ai puts his hand on top of Ranmaru's hand. It's a small movement, a barely there touch, but Ranmaru freezes up, all the same. 

"Ren told me," Ai murmurs, his voice pleasantly soft. Deceptively gentle. "That you might be dropping by today." 

Ranmaru really should have fucking known. Ren's going to fucking die when Ranmaru sees him. It's a goddamned promise. 

Ai's staring. He always stares– it's a godawful habit of his. He's always staring off into space when there's nothing in particular that needs to be done, and he's always staring at other people like he wants to open up their brains. He's terrible. Ranmaru thinks its adorable. 

"Ranmaru," Ai says. "What are you thinking about? Tell me?" 

Ranmaru takes a deep breath. Now or never, Kurosaki. 

"I," he begins, stiff and uncomfortable, "Really want to. Kiss you. And other stuff. Like–" 

Ai interrupts him by giggling. It's a sweet, musical little tinkle of a laugh. Ranmaru can't take this. 

"Aine says that you are _really_ bad at this," Ai says, poking Ranmaru's shoulder. 

_Fuck_. 

Fuck, fuck fuck fucking fuck. He forgot about Ai's fucking peanut gallery up there in his pretty head. Shit. _Shit_ , he's fucking dead. 

Ranmaru makes a strangled noise. "Fuck _off_ , I'm trying!" 

"Your face is all red," Ai says, teasing. 

"Shaddup!" 

"Never," Ai laughs. "It's very cute of you to be so embarrassed." 

"Uurgh," Ranmaru goes, flinging his arm over his face so he doesn't have to look at Ai. This is how he dies. 

"Ranmaru," Ai says. He's tracing lightly over the back of Ranmaru's hand. Ai feels warm, leaning up against him. 

"What." 

"Ranmaru. Look at me." 

"No." 

"Ranmaru. Please?" 

"Fuck you." 

"Mmm," Ai laughs quietly. "Maybe later. You should kiss me first, at least." 

"Wh-" Ranmaru splutters. "Don't tease me with that shit!" 

"It's not teasing if I mean it," Ai says. Ranmaru whips his arm off his face so fast Ai startles.

"What," Ranmaru says. Ai blinks at him, his face pleasantly pink. "Seriously?" 

Ai smiles. It's a very pretty smile. He nods, shyly. Ranmaru didn't even know Ai could be _shy_. 

"Uh," Ranmaru says. 

"You don't want to?" Ai pouts. Fuck, he's so _cute_. 

"I don't not–" Ranmaru says. Then he realizes: he doesn't really have to explain anything? He can just kiss Ai. Right now. He has permission. He has consent. He can just– 

Ranmaru leans forward and kisses Ai, right on his mouth. Ai makes a sweet little noise, just a quiet sigh, and puts his arms around Ranmaru's neck, pulling him closer. 

Kissing Ai is– what can he say, kissing Ai has been on his mind for _months_ , actually being able to do it is so fucking amazing, and Ai makes such pretty noises, Ranmaru just wants to kiss him all the time–

"Mmm," Ai moans, and god, Ranmaru's really thankful that he's able to do this, really, just extremely thankful that he's here and Ai's here and he's kissing Ai and Ai is _letting_ him, _wow_. 

Ai nips at his mouth, playful, and Ranmaru bites him gently in return. Ai laughs, breathy and gorgeous, when they pull apart from each other, his lips a pretty pink. 

"Ranmaru," Ai says, and Ranmaru doesn't even care that Ai is going to say something completely bullshit at this point. "When you touch me, how does it make you feel?" 

See? Complete bullshit. 

Ranmaru puts his hands on Ai's waist and pulls his closer. "Honestly? My dick is half hard." 

Ai snorts out an undignified laugh. "Horny, then?" 

"Yep. You got me." 

Ai studies him for a moment. Then he pulls Ranmaru's hand up under his shirt and says, "Then you should touch me more, Ranmaru." 

Ranmaru takes a deep breath. It's stupidly shaky. Ai's mischievous little smile curls the corners of his lips upwards and it's such a good look on him. 

Ai's skin is very warm. Ranmaru kisses his smiling mouth, just because he can, and says, "Yeah? Is that an invitation?" 

Ai hooks his leg across Ranmaru's hip. "Maybe," he says, teasing. He's such a little shit. 

"You," Ranmaru says, kissing Ai's throat. He really likes how Ai's breathing hitches when he does it, so he does it again. And again, and again, until he forgets what he's trying to say and Ai is squirming against him. "What was I trying to say again?" 

"You," Ai supplies, helpfully. He's breathing a little heavily, flushed and smiling and messy. Ranmaru tugs a little at Ai's bangs, watching him pout and swat Ranmaru's hand away, and it's– nice. 

"You," Ranmaru says. "You're such a little shit. I'm gonna mess you up real good. Wait. Fuck, Aine isn't there, is he?" 

Ai giggles, a little. His hands are stroking Ranmaru's hair, scratching against his scalp. It feels nice. "No, Ranmaru. I chased him off for you to kiss me against the couch." 

"I can kiss you in your bed," Ranmaru offers. He tickles his way down Ai's spine, watching him laugh and wriggle away. "It's _right_ there." 

"Horny," Ai accuses, but he's smiling. He tugs Ranmaru down for another kiss, wet and warm and kinda sloppy. 

"Only because it's you," Ranmaru says, and kisses Ai again. Ai shivers, shifting his weight against the couch, and pulls Ranmaru down against him, until they're pressed together, so close Ranmaru can feel the rise and fall of Ai's chest. 

"Shut up and kiss me," Ai says, sweetly. Ranmaru can't actually disagree with that, so he does, and they stay there, tangled against each other, until Syo and Natsuki kick down the door and start screaming at them both.

 

*

15:11  
Jingucci: so....  
Jingucci: ochibi told me...  
Jingucci: that someone was in his room the other day...  
Jingucci: making out with aimi?????  
Jingucci: honestly  
Jingucci: who could that have been..????  
Jingucci: ran stop ignoring me  
Jingucci: hello???  
Jingucci: HELLOOO?????? 

16:20  
Jingucci: ok nvm i was wrong  
Jingucci: please tape a warning sign next time u want 2 make out w aimi in our room  
Jingucci: please  
Jingucci: dont do this to me

16:34  
Fuck you: fuck you

16:35  
Jingucci: ran u r so mean to me :'(  
Jingucci: but no thanks ;)))

16:40  
Fuck you: ren stop texting ranmaru he's busy  
Fuck you: also don't come into the room for the next two hours, thank you  
Fuck you: please tell masato as well

16:40  
Jingucci: .....................  
Jingucci: i hate the both of u

16:42  
Fuck you: ;)  
Fuck you: oh and ren  
Fuck you: if you gossip about this i'll never pocket heal you ever again

16:45  
Jingucci: AIMI THAT IS SO MEAN  
Jingucci: i never gossip  
Jingucci: i only told ochibi that once  
Jingucci: :(  
Jingucci: u guys suck

**Author's Note:**

> ranmaru kins me


End file.
